I make it a point to smile at everyone. I smile at people whenever I happen to look someone in the eyes, (which is obviously quite a bit) and this is exactly why.
I left today to try and get my mind off of my music(first time for everything), my angry abusive old friend, my failing home life and my best friends leaving home... but mostly, to get away from thought of my own self worthlessness. I dreaded coming back home where in the back of my mind I knew I was probably walking right back into my own self inflicted hell. Being inflicted with extreme anxiety, being alone even in my own bedroom is an nerve racking as being hung by the collar of your shirt over the edge of the empire state building, and watching someone get hit by a car from above them, dangling in the air. It leaves me to much time to think about myself, and the things I've failed at, it leaves me time to think I'll fail at everything else I ever try to do. I start looking at the world from a disgusting point of view, looking at all the bad things instead of the good. I forget that there is any good left for me to salvage from this life. Often I feel the world be much better off without me, and I without it. Given my current situations, thats not really to much of a stretch.
I feel like I've already typed to much to keep anyones attention, so I'll keep this short and sweet. I wasn't even home yet, and I was almost at my boiling point. I was just about to let tears fall right there on the sidewalk waiting for any one of these 20+ cars to stop and let me through, and a man stopped. he stopped his car, looked me dead in the eye and smiled at me. That man smiled at me before I even smiled at him, and that was all it took. I'm fine. Better then I've been in a couple weeks, actually. Because that man smiled at me, and made me remember that there are good things left in the world, and good people to.
My suggestion: Smile. You just might fix someone.
PS. Thank you, man with a flannel shirt and curly hair.
I left today to try and get my mind off of my music(first time for everything), my angry abusive old friend, my failing home life and my best friends leaving home... but mostly, to get away from thought of my own self worthlessness. I dreaded coming back home where in the back of my mind I knew I was probably walking right back into my own self inflicted hell. Being inflicted with extreme anxiety, being alone even in my own bedroom is an nerve racking as being hung by the collar of your shirt over the edge of the empire state building, and watching someone get hit by a car from above them, dangling in the air. It leaves me to much time to think about myself, and the things I've failed at, it leaves me time to think I'll fail at everything else I ever try to do. I start looking at the world from a disgusting point of view, looking at all the bad things instead of the good. I forget that there is any good left for me to salvage from this life. Often I feel the world be much better off without me, and I without it. Given my current situations, thats not really to much of a stretch.
I feel like I've already typed to much to keep anyones attention, so I'll keep this short and sweet. I wasn't even home yet, and I was almost at my boiling point. I was just about to let tears fall right there on the sidewalk waiting for any one of these 20+ cars to stop and let me through, and a man stopped. he stopped his car, looked me dead in the eye and smiled at me. That man smiled at me before I even smiled at him, and that was all it took. I'm fine. Better then I've been in a couple weeks, actually. Because that man smiled at me, and made me remember that there are good things left in the world, and good people to.
My suggestion: Smile. You just might fix someone.
PS. Thank you, man with a flannel shirt and curly hair.
