One of my most important and prominent morals: Making amends creates peace of mind. As I write this, I'm sitting in the anythink library in Brighton Colorado, a place where there are a lot of people who don't smile back at you when smile at them. The importance of this is that a few summers ago, during the same Summer I ALWAYS talk about, at the beginning I had my first serious relationship (that led directly into my current relationship with SB) that taught me a lot about the way I should and should not be treated. I realize now that it was much more a relationship of dependency then of love, and from that I feel much guilt. But I'm trying to move past that, as I'm trying not to hold things on my shoulders as much.
I walked around for a long time down here, and I walked around in his old apartment complex. I wondered if the trees and the old swings and the grass in the shade remembered me as well as I remembered them. It was strange, in a way. Like walking through memories, trapped and fading in hte back of my mind.
To sum things up, I realized two things:
Sometimes, going back to where you started can really clear things up.
SB was the first person I loved, but he wasn't the first person who ever loved me.
I decided to send him a message in light of out recent reconnection. Things ended badly between the two of us, and I'm glad I've finally made amends.
"So, I was walking around your old apartments today. I was really kind of just walking around Brighton lol :) and I realized I could remember the path we walked to them. And I wanted to let you know that I smiled all along the way. Especially when I walked down the really thin sidewalk right on the edge of the street. It just reminded me of happy things and moment that I had forgotten about us and you, made me remember a lot of the moments I shared with you. I sat in the grass and wrote a song, and I walked up to your old apartment and looked at the door for a good five minutes before some bald guy looked at me like he was on meth and I was a hallucination before trying to jimmy the lock open and walking away.
It was great :) It was actually really really nice. I loved it, it was like walking through memories and photographs, just pictures in my mind brought back to life.
I've definitely made amends with those memories. And that is one step forward.
I'll send you a free MP3 of the song, I think I'm gonna put it on the first album. "
I walked around for a long time down here, and I walked around in his old apartment complex. I wondered if the trees and the old swings and the grass in the shade remembered me as well as I remembered them. It was strange, in a way. Like walking through memories, trapped and fading in hte back of my mind.
To sum things up, I realized two things:
Sometimes, going back to where you started can really clear things up.
SB was the first person I loved, but he wasn't the first person who ever loved me.
I decided to send him a message in light of out recent reconnection. Things ended badly between the two of us, and I'm glad I've finally made amends.
"So, I was walking around your old apartments today. I was really kind of just walking around Brighton lol :) and I realized I could remember the path we walked to them. And I wanted to let you know that I smiled all along the way. Especially when I walked down the really thin sidewalk right on the edge of the street. It just reminded me of happy things and moment that I had forgotten about us and you, made me remember a lot of the moments I shared with you. I sat in the grass and wrote a song, and I walked up to your old apartment and looked at the door for a good five minutes before some bald guy looked at me like he was on meth and I was a hallucination before trying to jimmy the lock open and walking away.
It was great :) It was actually really really nice. I loved it, it was like walking through memories and photographs, just pictures in my mind brought back to life.
I've definitely made amends with those memories. And that is one step forward.
I'll send you a free MP3 of the song, I think I'm gonna put it on the first album. "
